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title screenDirected by: Charles Friedman & Nat Hiken

First aired: 1958

Contains spoilers

I have said many, many times that vampires get everywhere and here they are in The Phil Silver’s Show. Of course, we don’t get a real vampire – this is an episode where someone thinks they’re a vampire.

Sgt Ernie Bilko (Phil Silvers) is playing poker when two of the table, Sgt Ritzik (Joe E Walsh) and Sgt Grover (Jimmy Little), have to leave – they say for a hot date they have lined up. The game breaks up, to Bilko’s chagrin, as Ritzik is so bad at poker he is the reason the other players are there. Barbella (Harvey Lembeck) has the idea that Bilko should tell Ritzik to get back in the game or they’ll tell his wife, Emma (Beatrice Pons), about the date.

watching horror moviesActually there is no hot date, rather a TV channel has a movie slot called Shriek Theatre and the two men are watching the vampire movie that’s on. Emma is less than impressed that he prefers the horror movie to being in bed with his wife and Bilko walks into a domestic, assumes the affair has been found out but quickly gets up to speed. He abortively tries to get the show taken off the air and ends up accepting that he will lose the worst player from his poker games at 11 each night.

Bilko gets an ideaThe next night, however, Shriek theatre is on from 9. They remember that Ritzik becomes obsessed – when he watched Westerns he thought he was a cowboy. Bilko has a plan. He visits Ritzik – who has garlic at the window – and mentions a book by a professor from Transylvania in Hungary (sic). He alleges that the book says a man can become a vampire without being bitten, a kind of osmosis from watching vampire movies – but Ritzik will be alright as he is not from Dracula’s hometown (knowing, we assume, that his grandparents actually were). The lore (as well as the geography) is all over the place – being as much werewolf standard as vampire standard. Bilkop declares that there is only way to prevent the change – stop watching the films.

Colonel Hall's dilemaThe next night Ritzik refuses to play as he is convinced he is a vampire and doesn’t want to hurt his friends. Bilko tells him to have a blood test; if it isn’t bat’s blood they caught it in time and he isn’t a vampire. However, after he leaves, Bilko notices that a Hollywood studio are looking for a new actor to play Dracula. Ritzik would be perfect and so they go to a taxidermist, get some bat’s blood and swap the samples. The next day medical officer Captain Masters (Nelson Masters) is befuddled to find the sample of Ritzik’s blood tests as bat’s blood and base commander Colonel Hall (Paul Ford) is concerned at what he will tell his superiors.

Count RitzikBilko offers to take Ritzik to a Hollywood clinic – by this, of course, he means the studio. He sells the idea of Count Ritzik – a real vampire – to the movie executives who are rather excited and sign Ritzik (and agree Bilko’s exorbitant retainer as Ritzik’s keeper). Ritzik now, for all the world, looks like Bela Lugosi – but he is not happy. Bilko’s conscience gets the better of him and the contract gets torn up.

Phil Silvers was always a joy to watch and the Phil Silvers Show is a genuinely funny comedy show. The lore in this was all over the place, so as a vampire geek I found myself a little bewildered by some of the concepts – it was clearly not changing lore for any reason other than either bad research or simply to make the gag work. That said it was still a joy. 6.5 out of 10.

The episode imdb page is here.

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28
Jul

Tale of a Vampire – review

   Posted by: Taliesin_ttlg    in Taleisin's Vamp Movie Reviews

dvdDirector: Shimako Sato

Release date: 1992

Contains spoilers

In a blatant act of false advertising this film was also known as “Warlock: Tale of a Vampire” – to tie the film into star Julian Sands’ more famous Warlock movie. This film has, of course, nothing to do with that film. In fact you could say that it wasn’t even aimed at the same audience. This film is a homage to the poetry of Edgar Allan Poe – indeed the poem Annabel Lee takes a prominence in the movie (and a quote from it makes the first lines of the movie). Poe even gets a writing credit.

Suzanna Hamilton as AnneThe film is rather slow and dreamy and – to be fair – has very little in the way of complex story. What it does have is characterisation and atmosphere aplenty. As we hear Annabel Lee we see a crashed car consumed in flames and a mysterious man watching, his name is Edgar (Kenneth Cranham, who previously played a bit role in the awful Vampira but we shouldn’t hold that against him). The car belonged to the significant other of Anne (Suzanna Hamilton), who has to go to the morgue to view the body.

vampires and cats - infamous combinationIn a disused factory is a bed. It is a stunning visual juxtaposition, the factory is a tomb (of industry) a decaying hulk and yet within it is a bed that looks almost pre-Raphaelite in its romantic design. Upon the bed is Alex (Julian Sands, who would go on to play an immortal vampire hunter in Blood Ties). A cat comes up to the bed and Alex awakens. He lifts the purring creature and then bites it. As he feeds we get glimpses of a woman whom we later find to be Virginia (Also Suzanna Hamilton), she seems to be in orgasm. It is a well done cat biting scene given that the entire ‘bite the cat’ motif became old after Count Yorga, Vampire.

Julian Sands as AlexAlex attends a library where he does research on religious martyrs for a thesis – I have read that it is an occult library but in no part of the film is it actually suggested that it is anything more than a well stocked reference library, which in itself might have carried occult books. Denise (Marion Diamond), the librarian, has got him a book he needed. He seems distracted by the book to the point of being rude and this is the Alex we see develop. He is distracted, dreamy and often rude (though perhaps without malice and more without thought). He actually reminded me in demeanour (not purpose) of the character Martin from Brimstone and Treacle – interesting as the comatose Suzanna Hamilton was the subject of Martin’s obsession in that film.

Kenneth Cranham as EdgarAlex leaves the library and ends up sat on an embankment, above some playing children, giving a homeless man cigarettes. Meanwhile Edgar has stolen the library’s letter headed paper and an envelope. Anne receives a letter inviting her to interview at the library but Denise knows nothing about it – however she is in dire need of an assistant and so Anne gets the job. As Anne goes home she is, unbeknown to herself, followed by Alex. From then on the film concentrates on building their characters and relationship. She is grieving still for her lover, perhaps to the point that she will open up to another just to distract herself from the pain, and he is still in pain over the loss of Virginia, whom she looks very much like.

Is she the reincarnation of Virginia? No, but there is something odd going on. When we see her walking home she sings ‘boys and girls go out to play’ – a song that Alex had sang to Virginia when she was five years old (he was already a vampire). That might indicate past life memory but things we hear later indicates that it is just a physical resemblance. He notes that she reads Forneret and she states that she has only known one other who likes his work (presumably her dead lover). Alex tells her that his favorite poem by Forneret is “Le pauvre honteux”, about a starving man who eats his own hand (a dismembered hand motif appears later). Clearly Edgar has manipulated them together for a purpose. But what…

vampire bed headHere we get a spoiler folks and it is part of the film’s twist – however I do not think that it was too much of a twist (you can see it coming) and it leads into some nice discussion about the meaning of the film. As the film moves along Alex is manipulated by an unseen person; who kills a child that Alex is following, for instance, and then drops the bloodied corpse at Alex’s feet just in time for a local criminal (presumably, as he had a shotgun on him) to see Alex with the body. Clearly Anne has been manipulated by Edgar and (whilst watching) it was not much of a leap to pre-empt the twist and assume he was doing all of the manipulating.

At some point in his life Alex met Virginia as a child and clearly befriended her, we even see him bring her a veil when she is due to marry a man named Edgar. She believes that Edgar will share their friendship. Later, Virginia is dying and Alex turns her but they end up pursued due to the killing of a villager (she says she didn’t kill him and asks whether it could have been another of their kind). That was the last time he saw her, he left her to hide as he drew them away and she was intercepted by someone she clearly knew – it becomes clear it is Edgar and she turned him.

the date is wrong for PoeGiven the poem Annabel Lee (which is recited in film by Edgar), could it be that Edgar is meant to be Edgar Allan Poe and Virginia his wife? Certainly the character Edgar says he is a writer and that he has been published, though he also states that he is studying more occult matters – vampires interest him. One of the library’s stranger customers, the Magazine Man (Michael Kenton), knows his face – he saw his picture in an old (19th century) magazine. She dies with blood at her mouth – due to being turned – the real life Virginia died of tuberculosis. It all seems to fit except for the fact that a casket with her name on it is given to Alex with the date 1890 on it – unless the indication was this box (that contained her dismembered hand) was created some time after the events we see then the date was not contemporary with Poe and Virginia.

vampiric fantasyThere isn’t much in the way of lore. We see no fangs and there is no indication that garlic or religious icons will affect the vampire. They can come out in daylight. They do have to drink blood, they are turned by a blood exchange and they may be truly immortal. Alex assumes that a stake through the heart will kill him but he doesn’t really know. Alex does have trouble disassociating love and blood. At one point Anne cuts her finger and he suckles on it (in that clichéd vampire manner) but then attacks her quite violently, repeating as he does that he loves her – until we realise it is fantasy and he is still sucking on her finger.

flashes of violence pepper the dreamThe film’s story is rather thin. It relies on character, on acting and on atmosphere. The three principle leads are great, each taking their characters and making them real for us. The actual shots and lighting are fantastically done and draw you into the film. The story has a sense of mystery, if you care to look, but it is not casually obvious. It is, however, Tragic – and I capitalised the word purposefully. This is not a happy tale by any stretch of the imagination. The story pace is lethargic at times, but the beauty of the filming keeps the viewer’s attention. However, should you want something with pace, obvious story depth or should drawing a poem visually not be your thing, you are going to dislike the film. I can see why people do.

However, for me, this is worth 6.5 out of 10.

The imdb page is here.

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13
Jul

Vamp or Not? A Chinese Ghost Story

   Posted by: Taliesin_ttlg    in Taleisin's Vamp Movie Reviews

dvdThis Hong Kong movie from 1987, directed by Siu-Tung Ching, is one of my favourite movies to come out of that region. The reasoning? Well it has it all; it is quite a touching romance, with comedy aplenty plus action and horror in liberal doses. It is beautifully shot, with wonderfully choreographed fights.

The story is simple and as such becomes quite elegant – a bumbling but pure and innocent tax collector, Ning Tsai-Shen (Leslie Cheung), stays in an abandoned temple that houses both a disillusioned Taoist swordsman, Yin (Ma Wu), and a host of ghosts. The ghost Nieh Hsaio-Tsing (Joey Wang) is forced to lure men for her Mistress, Old Evil (Siu-Ming Lau), and in three days will be forced to marry the demonic Lord Black. Nieh realises what a good heart Ning has and the two fall into a doomed love.

The film also occasionally falls onto vampire filmographies, so let us see if that is justified…

Old EvilThere are three aspects to explore and we will start with Old Evil. She is some form of tree demon. She is 1000 years old and can take human form. Her tongue can expand and stretch for miles, seeking out the mouth of a man (prone due to Nieh), which she then uses to suck the lifeforce from him – turning him into a husk. We have had lifeforce sucking vampires before and, whilst she cannot to our knowledge create another of her kind, we should look at what becomes of her desiccated victims.

zombie or vampire?We see a group of them in an attic, lying like forgotten victims – husk like corpses from previous feedings. However Ning, in the room below, cuts his finger whilst slicing fruit – an old chestnut of a device, to be sure – the scent of the blood makes the husks react and they start moving. Their movements are very slow – but they are all withered husks to be fair. Essentially they begin to hunt – what they would do if they caught a man we don’t quite know.

it seens to have fangsWe do see a separate one fight with Yin and the Taoist pins him with a magic needle and then blows him up with a prayer scroll. As for the ones near Ning they are part of a slow slapstick series of misadventures. At one point he steps on one’s hand and we see that it apparently has fangs. Eventually he opens shutters and the daylight causes them to melt down to gunk – rapid decomposition. The fangs might be a stylistic coincidence but rapid decomposition in sunlight is oh so very vampire. Indeed, given that these are victims of having their energy sucked and the look I was reminded of the zombie like creatures in Lifeforce.

flying headsFinally I think I should mention Lord Black. When the heroes find themselves in Hell, trying to rescue Nieh, they see Lord Black who opens his court to reveal a number of heads who fly from his cloak and bite the heroes. I was reminded very much of the penanggal and similar flying head vampires but, to be fair, that was probably more coincidence than anything and I don’t think they were meant to be such a creature.

Joey Wang a NiehOf all the different types of creature mentioned the most likely to be classed as a vampire is the desiccated husk, zombie like creatures who dissolve in the sun. However, one feels that they are – if vampires – possibly only in the film long enough to warrant an honourable mention rather than class the film as a vampire movie.

poll resultsWhat do you think?

After running a poll the readership of the blog have decided that this film should be a honourable mention – and given the nature of democracy – that is now the official T_ttlg position.

The imdb page is here.

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